Change

Today I cried, I tried keeping it inside me but it came out, but it will never ever happen again. The tears are meant to remain inside the eyes. I AM STRONG, I am not the poor who cries.

I will change my life, I will change my priorities.

I want to write a lot... bt somethings just cant be expressed in words.........

5 Things why One shud keep distace from girls

5 Things why One shud keep distace from girls

1. Very sweetly she will tell u that u can tell her anything that u want.... she will endeavour to know ur reality, she will promise u that she wont tell it to anyone but you can not afford to tell her ur feelings... she cant keep it inside her ... she can never keep it inside her... and u will nvr know who all knows ur reality afterwards... though she had made promise earlier, bt she would give excuses like I told only my 1-2 best frnds ... she will brake her promise ... well 1-2 may be fine for some ppl ... bt whats guarantee that those 1-2 wont tell it to anyone... they are also a girl and they will tell to their 1-2's and soon.... u will be over... the world will know u reality and u will wonder what the fuck u did .......

2. Unless you have read some physchology books and you have some real tips to detect lie, which I believe some rare ppl try to go through, you can probably never detect when a girl is lying to you. And

3. you never know her reality unless yu have some spy mechanism. She will never let u kno, what she is upto. she will appear very sweet but trust me there are things that you will never know and she will never feel it necessary to let u know, though it might be of utmost importance to u.....

4. She will definitely talk ur -ve points with her frnds... cracking the jokes.... and if u dont have them... she will fabricate them....

5. You can afford to waste time to get above 4 ......

'SM****'

There was this girl... her name starting with 'SM'.... and i am missing her tonight... she gave me a real good company when I needed... she used to tell me her each n everything to me... she used to listen to me... she was the one, i could rely upon... she was the one, I could blindly trust... and today when
I need someone most... when I need someone to help me to make my way out of this crap.... when I desperately want someone like her...... today, when I need her help..... I cant expect it from her... and u know why ..... the reason is myself .... I am a crap... I am a holy crap ...... I deceived her... I deceived her for ... God knows how long.... she came back..... she wanted to get back to previous friendship... forget everything and I messed up all again ..... I need you 'SM****' .....I am breaking down ....... I feel your importance tonight....... but what can I do now..... time is gone .....

PS : Don't waste your time collecting stones, one day you may wake up and realise that you lost a diamond while you were busy with stones.......

I am broken

i am not writing this, this is my heart penning down. and i simply, can not disown this state of myself tonight.

I RUINED MYSELF.
I AM A SPOILED BOY.
I WANT TO CHANGE.
BUT I AM UNABLE TO.
SOMEBODY SAVE ME. I NEED HELP.
I AM EMOTIONALLY BROKEN.
I AM TORN.

I WANT TO TELL EVERYTHING THAT IS THERE DEEP DOWN INSIDE MY HEART, THAT ONLY I AND THE GOD KNOWS. I WANT TO LET IT OUT. I NEED AN OUTLET. I CAN NOT FIND ONE. I NEED HELP. I NEED HELP TO GET OUT OF THIS CRAP. I AM UNABLE TO SLEEP. I AM UNABLE TO WORK. SOMETHING IS EATING ME FROM INSIDE. I CANT GO ON WITH THIS. I FEEL LIKE HELL. I WANT TO CHANGE. I WANT TO LIVE A NORMAL LIFE. I WANT TO CHANGE.

http://those4days.blogspot.com/2008/03/more-than-painful-it-is-to-realize-that.html

Sahil

Sahil was a kid, generous by heart, shares happy relations with everyone, kind to everyone, feels pain when someone slaps his friend, and sometime catches the collar of that person trying to drag him and beat him up, though he could not do so firmly, but in an effort to give back to the offense that person did to his friend. But, suddenly one day he wakes up and finds that his friend, the same friend whose life was more important than his own, for him he tried to beat an unknown person though he was never capable of that, has walked out of his life arguing "life is a game, people come, people go, deal with it."



The pain coming out after the realization of the fragileness of that relation which was so important for long time , the shock of it made Sahil, rethink to fathom out the mystery : "whether he is too generous or the world is too bad" ?



Is it possible for everyone to have no attitude, an attitude free world, not in ideal sense but in broad sense, where most of the people are attitude free, just a world that will be born if the people with attitude becomes attitude free and the vice versa? Is it possible for the world to be good, again not in ideal sense but in broad way, if bad people of today's world become good ones and vice versa ? The only practical answer is "NO", the same Sahil concluded from the people around him. But the next questions that follows are: Is it possible to reach the pinnacle without having an attitude or without being selfish? Is being selfless from his side is equivalent to harming himself and being the selfish person is necessary in this world?



Does Sahil need to adopt an attitude because everyone around him lives with one? Does he also need to change his side of the relations from selfless to "give-n-take-n-over" ? Or throught out his survival to the pinnacle, he can keep his simple intrinsic values alive with the selfless part of his character?


Nothing will be more disheartening if Sahil needs to alter himself, suppressing his real values and pretending to be someone else, which he never liked to be ?

Sahil was a kid, generous by heart, shares happy relations with everyone, kind to everyone, feels pain when someone slaps his friend. Will he remain the same Sahil or he will decide to be the part of the bigger crowd, the crowd that formed because every Sahil till now, decided to change themselves, their values and be a part of the bigger crowd.

-Jack

Where is ME?

More than painful, it is to realize that you have lost your intrinsic essentials, that you are no more what you were, and that you are altogether someone different and someone that you never wished to be.

The change is inevitable but the through this alteration becoming someone that you hated in your life, that you abused is something shocking and the realization of it is nothing but a shock.

I can't believe what I am today. I lost myself. I lost my own personality. That H***** is lost somewhere, with the rise of Jack. But I hate this Jack, I want to be the H*****, I want to be myself, someone return me myself, myself is lost, myself is lost. Seems like I have died and got reincarnated in the same body. Where is that me ???? where is myself..... I want to be H****T, NOT THIS JACK. Oh God! I am crying :(

I loved that H****T. I hate this Jack. I want to be the H****T again.

The job seeker

Those eyes saying " sir, did you like the PCB I made?" asking whether I am in or not, those eyes were irresistive.

This man came for soldering and related work at our lab, and I was the one giving him the work to assess his skills. I gave him a very compacted PCB of an embedded camera to solder headers and dip-sockets, which we reportedly failed to solder twice before. The holes for the headers were very close to each other and the shorting line were going through, even from the way between 2 very close holes. Little mistake could short the unwanted things up leaving no way our but desoldering using hot air. After soldering the given things, he came and said, "Sir......". "Ok.. ", I said taking the PCB and putingt the microcontroller and trying buring the code. I tried buring 3-4 times but it did not work. I changed the microcontroller and it worked. Actually with the previous microcontroller, I need to put one more thing on the PCB, probably there was some problem with that part, and so it was not working earlier but with the second microncontroller it worked, as the second one does not need that extra component.
All this time, that man tried to be very nice, his eyes with hope lying with uncertainity, still hope was more. On seeing the successful trial after the failed ones, the smile ran on his face. and I was thinking getting pity on that man. He was young, will be somewhere around 25 or so. and when I saw how he was struggling with life, for a moment I forgot all my pains, thinking that I am living a heavenly life and I dont value it. I used to consider my quality of life as crap !! I am considerably younger to him and he was calling me 'sir , sir '. I could feel the way I was melting inside, I wish I could give him the life that he wanted, I wish I could give him the job where he never needs to call 'sir' to a person who does not desearve this word. I wish I could give him all the happiness in life. But alas, I can feel my limit, I cant bring smile to a single face, and I roam around with the haughty head all the time. Lot of pain in the world, wish I can make it a better place. I hope that man gets all what he wants from life.

Congrats if you get the job, I am sorry if you don't. But I wish I could do something. I wish our requirements and your skills would have matched.

Lot of pain in this world, God give me power to bring smile on those faces. God give me strength, make me useful for a few people at least !